Evil Parsley

So I wrote my last post from a very gloom-and-doom place. My supply was down again and I really did think it was all over. I only pumped enough milk to give Zach one bottle that day and I was sad abut it and assumed it was the end. Well, it wasn't, and I learned some things in the process.

1.) When I said I was taking Blessed Thistle before, it actually was Milk Thistle. I was told to take Blessed Thistle by our LLL leader, and so I went to the GNC where I buy my fenugreek and Mother's Milk Tea, and they had Milk Thistle in the same area, so I got confused and was told by the guy working that evening that they were the same. But when I went to this health foods store that has an herbs section, the guy working said nope, that I was duped. I'm actually on Blessed Thistle now and in just 2 doses, it has already made a difference.

2.) The same guy knew immediately what I was doing when I picked up Fenugreek also, and he added some Red Raspberry Leaf tea to the mix. He said it enhances the effects of the Blessed Thistle. We'll see.

3.) Yep, Parsley really is evil. I had gone from pumping 4 oz. at a time (really not a lot to begin with) to a pitiful, tear-inducing 0.5 oz. or less. I thought it was because I had some busy days where I only pumped 6 or 7 times, all in a row. And that still may be a part of it, but I had also started this diet with all of these healthy foods I don't eat normally. Among them? Fresh sage and parsley, both considered galactofuges that reduce milk production. The parsley had been in this pesto I had made and was eating at pretty regular intervals. Once I stopped, I immediately went up to 3 ounces at a time after one day of pumping my standard 8 times a day.

So....
I'm back at it. Herbal supplements and pumping. And since Zach is now 8 months old, my goal of breastfeeding for one year is right around the corner. No, we didn't actually breastfeed beyond the 4th month, but I don't consider it a failure since he has continued to get breastmilk from me. Actually I'm kind of glad because I am a wuss. I should explain that! I have read up on extended breastfeeding and agree with it, but I have always felt weird about the idea of a walkie-talkie kid coming up and lifting my shirt to nurse. Well, since we don't physically breastfeed, I can continue to give Zach breastmilk without ridicule and discomfort. So now my new goal is 18 months. I don't know if I'll make it. This whole exclusive pumping thing is pretty labor intensive, but I'm going to try. My hope is that Zach will get at least some breastmilk beyond his first birthday.

So anyway, theconcludes this episode of the Boob Chronicles. For now.

Generalized Crap

Not much going on here except work, work, work, pump, work, nurse, pump, yell at Evan to do his homework, then repeat. I pretty much hate my new work schedule, even though it is what I asked for. After being off of work for over 5 months, thought I would need to get my chops back, and so I have tried to avoid signing up for several 12-hr. shifts in a row. Plus, with me waking every few hours to nurse a baby or pump, it makes it easier when there are days off in between. But.....I feel like I never have time off because the days don't come in stretches. That was, they didn't until this week. I am off until Friday night, with the exception of an 8-hour computer class on Wednesday for the new software the hospital is getting. Holy crap! So what's new?



Well, in my quest to turn myself into a one-woman dairy farm, I broke down and called our area La Leche League leader. She was wonderful, and we talked about what I could expect at the meetings and more. I gave her a brief synopsis of my breastfeeding woes and she advised me to start taking blessed thistle with my fenugreek. Ok. Done. I missed the month's meeting by 2 days, but found out they meet in my hospital! So I will be going to try it out for September's meeting. Yay! Maybe I'll meet others in the same boat.



Other than that, there is one more development. I've gone Bat-Shit Crazy! Yep, you read that correctly. As if I wasn't already an emotional minefield, I now have something new to add to the mix: I have started having nightmares. Crazy ones, too. And some that aren't terrible but just seem so....real. Yesterday I swore I woke up to the feeling of one of my progesterone injections. (This is where I admit that they hurt like HELL!) In my dream, Evan was the one giving me the shot instead of my RN, and I just kept thrashing, saying, "But I've already had my baby!" And when I awakened, I was crying. So yeah, I'm going to seek out somene to talk to. I'm starting with our hospital's EAP in the hopes that just a few sessions will be adequate, and in the event that it isn't, they can then refer me. I definitely want someone experienced in this sort of thing.


Other than this stuff, my days and nights blur together to where they are almost unrecognizable. I blame night shift. And my pump. I blame that too. It is the bane of my existence these days, especially since Iave realized that Ido not have the luxury of slacking off on this. My milk supply is too fragile. Very little increases it, but if I so much as skip one pumping or nursing session, it decreases. Unfair. But I have come to realize, with the help of Zach's weight gain and level on contentment, that each ounce of breastmilk I give him is a sort of gift. So for now, in light of all of the work it has taken, I am choosing to focus on the fact that I have been breastfeeding him for almost 4 months. One third of my goal of one year! Go Me!

On that note, I am going to pump! Ha!