In Pictures

So my computer has been acting goofy for quite some time. It wouldn't let me upload photos for anything! Well, I temporarily fixed it, though I will need to replace it soon. (Excuse to buy my MacBook, yo?!?) So this is what you've missed over the past month or so.

Exactly 6 months after his birth, taken on November 13 at 1:05 PM.

Zach works on crawling.

Zachy on our first really cool day.

Zach's new-found affinity for the remote control.

This has to be the cutest ear of corn.....EVER!!!!!

Ironman and company, ready for departure. Halloween, 2010.

Succumbing to the Pressure

I did something comletely against my religion--if I really had a religion, that is.
Lemme explain!

Every year, I have made Ev a killer Halloween costume. It all started when he was a year old. There was a costume contest, and Ev was dressed in a store-bought costume as a little lion. Not original, I know. But so, so cute because he even learned to roar. And he was little--about the size Zach is now because Evan was such a scrawny baby. So for what we were lacking in originality, we made up for in cuteness. He got zilch! And I took it as a personal attack and vowed never again!

The following year, when Evan was just 2, it became my mission in life to win that stupid contest. What made it especially difficult was that everybody competed against each other for the big prizes-all ages, all costume types....And I had never so much as sewn a button on a shirt before. But, damnit, I was going to find a way to make THE costume to rule them all. And so I bought fabric, buttons, hair dye, face paint, and tights.

And I made Evan into the cutest Oompa Loompa ever. Strangers were asking to take his picture. I did so well And when it came time for the contest and John walked Evan up onto the stage, you could hear everyone saying, "Look at that little boy!" And when it came time to announce the winners, Evan didn't win a thing for his age group. But he did win for the entire thing, beating out other babies,bigger kids, teens and adults. The seed was planted, and I have been making his costumes ever since. We've done french fries, a dinosaur, a bus driver (complete with the bus), and more. And with each passing year, as Evan gets older, it gets more and more difficult to do this because his tastes and interests change. This year? He wanted to be a pilot. Have you ever tried to find pilot-looking clothes for a 9-year-old boy? So it was a no-go. And then we found ourselves beyond the Gates of Hell this week (see next post) and it never dawned on me that Halloween is just days away. And Evan doesn't have a costume. Gasp! At this point my Mommy License is in serious jeopardy of revocation. But I just figure I'll come up with something.

So tonight, we're at the grocery store, of all places, and Ev finds a rack of cheap Halloween costumes. Including an Ironman one. Oh, the horror! Other than the Oompa Loompa, I have this thing about characters. (Technically, the Oompa Loompa was first a literary character and thus exempt from this.) No characters. I just can't do it. My children have received shirts with characters on them as gifts, and I hate it. I have no idea where this came from with me. A perfect example is the shirt Evan got as a gift from John's sister when the movie Cars was all the rage. And it had Lightening McQueen on it. And I really would have been happier if I could toss it into the bin of clothes to be donated, but Evan insisted on wearing it, and I secretly longed for the day when he would outgrow it. I just find it too commercial, too unoriginal, too cheesy. So we steer away in every way, including clothes, toys, and even Halloween costumes.

So back to the grocery store: Evan wants the Ironman costume, and I want to die. I'm trying to come up with arguments to counteract his. But he has some pretty damned good rationalizations as to why he needs this costume. These arguments include my role as Bad Mommy, that he still doesn't have a costume 2 days before Halloween,and there is no way, at this point, that I can make one. That it is the only one in his size. That it isn't tacky, cheesy plastic, but rather good quality. That it is on sale because no other respectable mom waits until 2 days before Halloween like we did. Ahhhhh, the drawbacks of having a smart kid--he could rival the most hardcore, cutthroat attorney out there!

I bought him the damned costume. It kills me. Trick-or-Treat this year is going to be a traumatic experience for me this year, because everywhere I turn, I will see a kid dressed exactly like mine. I imagine myself losing Evan in a sea of other Ironmans on the street. But on the bright side, this is a learning experince for me: never, ever wait until the last minute!

The Snob's Worst Nightmare

I am a snob when it comes to holiday decorations. If the person I am about to describe sounds like you, I apologize in advance. Know that I am talking of the people who take it to the extreme. Every year, John and I do this thing. We will pick a day that has been particularly stressful or otherwise difficult, and we will go on our annual Tacky Plastic Christmas Parade.

Let me give you the history of this. Just a few years after my mom's death, I was still having a difficult time with the holidays. I had befriended a girl who ended up being the one who introduced me to John, and one day I was feeling rather down.
"I know what you need, Andi," she said. "You need to go on a Tacky Plastic Christmas Parade!"
We all loaded into her small pickup truck, and cruised the neighborhoods of Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky and laughed our asses off. I think I may have even peed a little bit. Laughing, of course, at the people who fill their lawns with the most amount of the tackiest Christmas statues and decorations one could imagine. Mismatched lights thrown haphazardly over bushes. And a few years later, the enormous inflatables. One or two of these is fine. This is something different altogether. But when you live in a run-down trailer, there is probably something better upon which to spend your money than an inflatable that is indeed bigger than your home.
So how do I decorate for Christmas? A tasteful wreath on the door. Maybe some candles inside on windowsills. Possibly a Christmas tree in the front window. Garland on the front porch railing. If I put up any lights, they are always white, placed precisely, and both are put up and taken down in a timely manner. Tasteful.

Of course th phenomenon of tacky holiday decoration has not stopped at Christmas. Nooooo. They do it for all sorts of holidays. And since I live in a duplex, I fall victim to the tastes of others.

So I wake up from my nap today after working a 12 last night to find my neighbors coating the front lawn--the shared front lawn---with that fake spider web shit. And they had the nerve to ask me if they could put my patio furniture--tasteful wrought iron patio furniture--in the back yard so they could put some tacky ghost he whittled out of wood in the front. And they are rigging up a fake dead body to the tree. And have a giant plastic fake spider they are putting on the house as I am typing ths. I cannot take it. I am going to die. And I have a feeling our house is going to be on the Tacky Plastic Christmas Parade this year.