Balance

So I just finished Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Loved it. It is being released as a movie with Julia Roberts in it, though that had nothing to do with my selecting it. Actually, it was more like a "Hey, why is Julia Roberts on the cover of my book?" type of moment. I absolutely hate seeing a movie before I read the book. And the movies always let me down. I loved loved loved The Time Traveler's Wife. One of my all-time favorites, but the movie left me disappointed. For me, reading that book was like reading a giant metaphor for marriage. I didn't get the same feeling from the movie. So anyhow, back to Eat Pray Love.
For some reason, this book had a strange impact on me. I should start by saying that I'm not religious at all. I'm not anti-religion either. My son attends parochial school, for crying out loud. So I'm not an atheist either. I would call myself more agnostic than anything. But I am reading about Gilbert's spiritual journey around the world, and I suddenly got this feeling that my life was off balance. I wanted that level of peace and self-reflection for myself, and I was jealous of her experience. This is really bizarre for me.
I've done yoga as more of a relaxation/ fitness practice than a spiritual one. There is something inherently calming about sitting quietly in insane poses that both pulls you in and centers you. And maybe it's age-related (I am getting older!) but I feel like I need this sort of calm in my life at this point in time.
Before you roll your eyes at me, I should explain. It is certainly not surprising for a new mother to long for some calmness. I am not exempt from that. But considering my personality, this desire surprises me. I usually thrive on stress. Crazy job, insane schedule, educational demands. Juggle juggle juggle. And it is almost like I need this to be happy. As a matter of fact, if there isn't adequate challenge in my life, I get too bored and subconsciously invent drama, being the lunatic that I am. I've actually caught myself doing it when I wasn't even aware. So for me--ME--to say I long for that? Well it is bizarre to say the least. I see big changes coming my way, and I have no idea what they are going to be.